GPBlog's alternative F1 season 2019!

January

Fernando Alonso fails to find a drive in WEC, IndyCar or any other series for that matter, so decides to do a UK tour of stock car racing. The two time F1 World Champion is quoted as saying: “These drivers are still cleaner than Romain Grosjean”. Harsh.

February

Racing Point reveal a full grey livery with no sponsors, a boring livery to go with their boring name. They become everyone’s least favourite team and look set for another boring midfield season.

March

In the opening race in Australia, Kimi Raikkonen does a Lewis Hamilton and goes into the wrong pit box, despite his Sauber box being half a pit lane away from his old Ferrari one. After the race he says he did it for some fun as the race was so boring. Never change, Kimi.

April

The Azerbaijan Grand Prix in Baku is insane for the third year running. Romain Grosjean slams his Haas into the wall and tried to blame Marcus Ericsson again before realising Ericsson is on a different continent and racing in a different series. Not getting away with that this time Romain, although it didn’t exactly work last year.

May

Fans, media, drivers all get hyped for the Monaco Grand Prix. Unbelievably, the top five finish in the same order that they started in. However, there were seven overtakes this year, but five of them were by Max Verstappen after he binned it in qualifying. Gasly wins the race.

June

Lando Norris gets lost on the Paul Ricard circuit at the French Grand Prix and ends up almost going backwards. To be fair it’s a really confusing track and there’s about a million different variations so we’re surprised this hasn’t happened already.

July

The final British Grand Prix at Silverstone as the Northamptonshire circuit decides not to renew its contract with Formula 1. Lewis Hamilton marks the occasion by winning the race and shouting on the podium: “Britain got the best fans out here, how you guys all doing?” For the seventh year in a row. Who are the best fans on the F1 calendar now Lewis?

August

A sad day for F1 as Kimi Raikkonen rips his contract up and retires from F1 mid-season. He claims that not being able to wear sunglasses or eat ice cream in the cockpit as his reasoning for retiring. Fair enough.

September

The title race is really gathering some momentum and Sebastian Vettel and Ferrari look the favourites heading into the Singapore Grand Prix, a race they should dominate. Of course, Lewis Hamilton wins and Vettel DNFs after being rammed by his team mate Charles Leclerc at turn 1. Classic Singapore!

October

It’s that time of year again and teams are looking to confirm their driver line ups for next season. Red Bull have had enough of Gasly so they send him to Formula E and promote Kvyat again. They then go back on their decision to promote Kvyat after he blocks Verstappen during qualifying and sign Daniel Ricciardo because everything was easier back in 2018.

November

The Brazilian Grand Prix provides yet another incredible race, bordering on the edge of slicks and inters for the whole race. Sergio Perez still manages to make it boring by making it on to the podium and showing off his horrible plain grey Racing Point race suit. Yawn.

December

Another F1 season is coming to a close and it’s a fight for the title. Hamilton vs Vettel part 32. However, both drivers do a Schumacher a la Jerez 1997 and are disqualified from the season. Bottas wins the title and Mercedes look stupid after promoting Ocon to partner Hamilton in 2020.

What a crazy year of Formula One! We can only hope it’s just as entertaining as we’ve imagined! See you in 2019…